Know when to fold 'em

EDITED TO ADD:  this was written last night

I had all sorts of plans for today.  I wen out to run.  I had thoughts of Busch Gardens.

But for some unexpected reason, today was a high anxiety day.

I picked up the smaller of my two kittens, rubbed my face against her soft fur and started to cry.  For some reason this tiny ball of fluff reduced me to a blubbering mass.

I then knocked my Nalgene off the end table.  Actually it was my butt that knocked it off.

Water everywhere.  Thankfully with the help of a carpet cleaner, I managed to suck it up.  But that dind't stop the tirade.  I'm a useless big-assed waste of space that can't manage to keep water on the table.

I don't know what brought it on.  All I know is that today I feel fragile and small, but also fat and clumsy.

It's actually very frustrating.  I know these thoughts and feelings are fleeting and temporary.  I know that tomorrow I'll most likely be fine.  (I also know that as of Tuesday life is going to get SUPER busy!  Classes start soon!)

The good news is that my house is a whole lot cleaner than it has been in ages.  That's one less stress on me today.  So I'm off to knock out the remaining undone chores so those stresses are gone.

And we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

When did I get old?

Last night I thought it was a good idea to visit the Williamsburg Winery for their running club.

I ran (Well, walked and ran) a 5K, then had a glass of wine and some food.  By the time I got home, I was so tired I was loopy.  But holy heck, did I sleep well!

I woke up this morning sore and hung over (half a glass of wine, y'all.  Wow....).  I also had that sense of dread.

Why?

Because the Freshmen moved in today!!

I got to work at 8 on the nose, and was greeted with a gaggle of people standing IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and talking.  I'm hungry, uncaffinated and headachy.  And I was not amused!

I know!  I know!  The point of college is students!  But still, it's chaos when they move in.

I'm still tired and sore.  The traffic outside is still awful.  

I'm still in shock that I've been here over six years.

That's longer than I was a teacher for.

This is the first year that I'm doing something different as the school year starts.  This is the first year that I'm solely responsible for the grad program.

I'm a bit anxious about it.

But mostly I'm tired!

Happy Friday everyone!

Checking in on these goals things

Nine days ago I made a plan.    How is it going?  I broke the last post into a handy checklist!

Losing weight.  

• Measurements : Still haven't done it.  But I did take my "before" picture:

(Only kidding.  It's on the list for this weekend)

• Lose 2 pounds a month: See above

More cardio stamina.  

• Run using Map My Run:  Nasty weather severely cut my run time.  If there's no rain, I'm hoping to do it tomorrow!
• Weight Training:  DONE!
• 10,000 Steps with the FitBit:  If I can remember to wear it I've been hitting a solid 8000 steps a day.  Getting there!

Portion control.  

• Measuring portions, and not overeating:  I've been better, but not where I want to be.  last night, for example.  Not a great night.  
• Drink more water:  I've done well on this one!!

Depression and Anxiety.  

• PMS coping strategy:  I know when it's coming.  I can also recognize it for what it is.  SO it's getting better
• Getting more sleep:  I'm doing well here
• Not getting overwhelmed at home by doing 2 tasks a day:  This is new, but the house is a mess and I need to not have it stressing me out!  I've set this weekend's tasks.

Not succumbing to a "lost weekend."  

• Work out on Saturdays- Yeah... didn't do it.  Cardio tomorrow, though!
• Don't overeat all weekend:  I spent all weekend avoiding the news from Charlottesville by eating.  I know...  But this weekend is going to be better!

So now I'm off to make pizza and a salad.  I'm going to have a small glass of wine.  Then we've got some Netflix to watch!

Goals and motivation

After watching a video in my challenge group just now, I sat down and wrote the following Facebook post:

I was out running today and realized something.  I'm really into the running these days!  The mornings are cooler, and I get the share the workout with my furry running buddy!  I'm trying to do a weight based workout on my off days.  For the first time in ages, I'm excited to run. 

Thanks to the running I now have a real, tangible goal.  One that I can measure.
I run a 16 minute mile (don't laugh, I know it's slow).  I'm shooting for a consistent 13 minute mile by October.  I know the weight training that I'm not into right now will help with that.  

I looked at it, and realized that this isn't a Facebook post.  It's a blog post!

I only really have one goal right now:  to get healthier.  We all know that I had some nasty test results of late.  I looked back at my blog post that I wrote and I don't think the goals I made are enough.  I mean, they were ok.  But they weren't enough.

So I went back to my notes from Professional Developments of the past and decided to make a more concrete plan.  I need a Smarter Goal!

Benchmarks of being healthy:

1. Losing weight.  
1. I can measure this by keeping my measurements.  
2. If I try to lost a simple 2 pounds a month, By taking weight and body measurements I can track my progress.
2. More cardio stamina.  
1. I'm working for the 13 minute mile.  That means that Map my Run is going to be getting more use.  
2. It also means that I need to keep up with the weight training.  it'll help me with that.  
3. Getting up off my butt at work might also be a good start.  I have a FitBit.  I NEED to shoot for the 10,000 steps and reach that goal at least 4 out of 7 days in the week.  (Knowing that some days you're rather stuck to your desk.)
3. Portion control.  
1. The diet has been pretty good of late.  (Yay me!!)  Now I need to measure the bejesus out of my food.  This one has an immediate result.  I feel nasty when I overeat.  I'd like to spend zero days feeling bloated and awful!  
2. Water is my friend.  It'll help with that "I need to eat more" feeling.  I have a Nalgene, I should fill it up 3 times in a day.
4. Depression and Anxiety.  
1. A lot of this is hormonal.  I got put back on birth control and things are a bit out of wack.  I know when the nasty PMS is coming.  I need to be prepared with strategies of coping.  (PMS is this weekend and next week.  I'm warning you now!).  
2. I need to get sleep, but not too much.  Not being able to get out of bed in the morning is an anxiety symptom.  Getting up by 5:45am will help there.
5. Not succumbing to a "lost weekend."  
1. Of late, many of my weekends are like this.  I need to work out AT LEAST on Saturdays.  
2. I need to start with a healthy breakfast.  If we want to splurge on pizza, I can have A SINGLE slice, not 4.  

Today is August 9th.  I'll check back over Labor Day weekend and we'll see where I am.

Spoilers and Anxiety

Side note:  This post won't contain a single spoiler.

After years of seeing spoiler alerts, I came to realize that I must be weird because I actually like spoilers.

I know!  It's so weird!  Why would you want to know what happens in a movie or TV episode?

Because of anxiety!

My Spousal Equivalent has spent many a night watching me pace between the kitchen and the living room as the tense or social awkward scene plays out.  By the end of season finale season, my kitchen end up super clean!  I have spent large parts of movies, practically in Spousal Equivalent's lap, trying not to jump out of my skin.

I actively search out episode recaps when we watch a show on the DVR.  Heck, when the Game of Thrones episode leaked... and there were a few scenes on YouTube... heck yes I watched!

and I saw this stuff:

yes, I watched the episode the next day.

And I enjoyed it even more, because I wasn't super surprised by anything.

I tried OrangeTheory, and now I can't move

First off, I've never been sponsored by anyone.  No one paid me for this.  In fact, you too can get a free workout!

from oraangetheoryfitness.com

I've been eyeing this place ever since they opened a studio near me.  I researched their workout.

And then I lost my nerve and didn't pursue it.

But I recently decided that my butt needed some kicking, so I signed up for my free class.  What was the worst that can happen?

I then had nightmares of falling off the treadmill, like in those YouTube videos.  (Spoiler alert, It didn't happen!)

Bright and early on Saturday morning, I went in for my class.

also from orangetheoryfitness.com

The workout is all based around getting your heart rate into a zone, so the first thing that happens, is that they give you a heart rate monitor.  (If you join, you have to buy your own).  I got trained on how to use the equipment, and then the class started.

The class is an hour.  You either start on the rowing machine, or the treadmill.  I started on the rowing machine.  It's 600 meters on that, then over to the weight area to do some exercises (Think Insanity-like exercises, but with the occational TRX strap thrown in... and weights) .  Then back to the rowers.  Back and forth for half an hour.

Now, here's the thing.  You go at your own pace.  And my pace was SLOW.  So I pushed myself.  (BIG mistake!  I'm STILL paying for it!)  

Once on the treadmill, I decided to power walk.  I walked, I walked fast, and instead of playing with my speed, I played with my intensity.  We had a half hour of this too.

(Side note:  Someday I want a big enough house to have a treadmill.  I could have done that half hour easier if I was watching a show)

And this is how I did.  I KILLED it.  I was exhausted, and in need of food, a shower and a nap afterwards.

Well, Yesterday, I woke up determined, I went to bed satisfied, and then I woke up SORE!!!

I overdid it in in the tricep moves on the TRX band.  My thighs are feeling it too.

My thoughts:

The Pros:

• Going in and working out with other people is motivating.
• No one in there bothers you.  You do your thing, they do theirs.
• It's a total body workout, that really focuses on the cardio (which I need)
• It can be customized to your own fitness level, you're not actually expected to keep up with the big kids.

The Cons:

• The price.  It's like $60 or $70 for 4 classes a month (Which is the MOST that I'd do).  A friend did the math and said it was around $15 ish a class... which in a yoga studio is pretty average.
• After you join, you need to drop money on a heart monitor.
• I'm already paying for Beachbody on Demand ($99 a year). 

Am I going to join?  Probably, if I can juggle the finances to make it work.  (I'm trying to convince the Spousal Equivalent that he needs to try it!)  I KNOW I'd do the lowest package.  I see this as a Saturday or Sunday morning activity.  I'd use the rest of the week for my Beachbody videos.

Sound interesting?  The first class is free.  But don't be me.  Don't overdo it.

It's a jungle out there!

The last we heard from me, I was going to get back into the diet and exercise.

And, I'm getting better.  I sat down and made a detailed meal plan for the week.  I shopped for that plan (Sadly, there was birthday cake involved).

I've been struggling with exercise lately.  Why?

1.) It's stupidly hot outside.  It's been in the 90's for a week and later this week it should be in the low 100's.

Yes.  100's.

Any errands I want to do involving walking?  Heck no!  Running in the morning?  It's difficult.

and 2.) I'm being lazy.  I keep hitting that snooze in the morning when I should be up.  I get the workout done, but it's rushed and I tend to pause in the middle a lot.  And as for running, it's already stupidly humid by the time I DO get outside.



This morning after I ran, I got back and set all of my alarms back a half hour.  If I promise myself that AFTER the workout I can take a small break to catch up on the morning's events, maybe it will help.

I've set myself some goals:

1.) Actually get up with my alarms.
2.) During my workout, give 110%
3.) Watch my post-work eating.
4.) Take my weight and measurements

The fourth one is the scariest.  It's the one that tells me just how badly I'm doing at this weight loss thing.

But it's the one that I need the most.

And now I'm off to continue following my meal plan... time to go home and make dinner!