Weight Watchers. Week 1

No gain.. no loss...

My focus on this week will be more exercise, and planning healthier meals. I also need low Points snacks around.

This will take planning.. and a trip to the store!

But it is frustrating...

Politics today is simply awful.

Way back when, people used to be taught good sportsmanship. If you lose, lose gracefully. Don't yell and scream and say you were cheated.

Politics have been unsportsmanlike for most of my life, and it makes me sick. I understand that you may not be happy with who won. You can't make everyone happy. But to pout about it, call the president a fraud, or to legally contest the election, that is simply childish.

Look at what is going on now. We have democrats in Wisconsin that instead of fighting the good fight, took their toys and went home. We have republicans that will hold their breath and fight legislation until someone they like is in office. We have "birthers" that are calling the President a cheater. (Besides, the law states that if you're born abroad, to a US Citizen.. you're a citizen! Even if he WAS born in Kenya, he's still legit)

I really don't think these people realize that the whole lot of them are acting like kids that lost a game of touch football. It's really sad to see.

Can we all just get back to the truly important things? Like war, fighting poverty and hunger, and education reform? Or are those things less important than a piece of paper?

Dreams

We all have dreams. I used to have many. I dreamed of a career as a teacher. That was a spectacular failure. I dreamed of the house, the dog, the family... I have a dog. The foreclosure of my house prevents me from ever owning again...

I have the dog. The dog, along with the Spousal Equivalent and the cat are my family. I achieved that one.

I want to re-visit the dream of owning a home someday, but I don't know how. Where we are at right now, it would take a miracle to move into a better apartment. The credit score a mortgage would take aren't realistically achievable.

I think I'll put home ownership into the category of fantasy, and stick to a dream of better credit.

GleeCap: Born This Way

Let me start out with this: This episode had some of the best music that I've heard in a while. That mashup of Unpretty and I Feel Pretty? Amazing!

And as I love the bulleted lists... let me give you my highlights:

• Kurt's back!!! I'm wondering how long before the bullying starts again... and can we see more of Blaine too? Those two are adorable!
• Santana: I pegged her for an entirely different Kinsey number! I didn't realize she'd be all out "Lebanese"! You can still tell that she has a whole of lot hurt, confusion and pain to work out still.
  
• The Nose job.... It both fits with Rachael's character and doesn't. It was almost like it was a colossal bought of momentary weakness.
• Quinn: Lucy Caboosey, huh? I'm both surprised and not. She tries SO hard to be perfect. She'll be happier being who she really is
• Emma: I agree with bringing this out. The OCD was cute... until it was shown as destroying most of the good things in her life. They approached it in a very real way. She denied it. In most cases, denial (besides not just being a river in Egypt *rimshot*) is the first step to recovery.
• Karofsky: There's three more episodes left to see where he's going... but it's quite an interesting ride.

The next episode is based around rumors, and Fleetwood Mac, the one after that is prom. But the last one before Nationals (and the finale) is called "Funeral."

Who is slated to bite it, I wonder!

And in other news.. It's Administrative Professionals Day (Secretary's Day). I'm hoping to feel the love today!

Weight Watchers.... and stinky timing...

So I started on Weight Watchers soon before a Retirement Reception (that I KNEW would yield leftovers for me) and Easter.... Silly me!

This week has kind of been pretty awful for the watching what I eat. I've been good, but I can do better. It's also been all sorts of up in the air, for a variety of reasons. Today we help a friend move, tomorrow is my meeting, Thursday is both choir and a chiropractor appointment. It's just one of those weeks. Actually, lately most of our weeks have been like that.

It was mentioned at last week's meeting that what is done, is done. I over ate at both Easter and the Reception. It's over. I can't undo it, or should I kill myself with guilt.

Starting Friday: I clean. I have one last room to spring clean! Also starting Friday, I plan healthy meals, and try my damnedest to get some exercise.

Today is physical exercise, possibly pizza, and Glee. Tomorrow is another day.

Religion

It is no secret that mainstream Christianity and I parted ways years ago. I really couldn't put my faith behind a system that advertised inconsistency, and mixed messages. Seriously, when you listen to some of the most vocal fundamentalists, you have to wonder if they even read the bible.

It's Easter today. Christians all got gussied up and went to church, then came home to eat chocolate eggs left by a bunny. They are celebrating rebirth, the rebirth of their faith. It's spring, the time of year when the earth renews itself. Why don't we renew our religion? Why don't we listen and read and approach people with compassion?

Why don't we follow the advice that Jesus gave us during the Sermon on the mount? Let's not judge, lest we be judged, and let's treat others as we'd want to be treated.

There isn't enough of that from the the most vocal people, but it's how I strive live my life. (I need to work on the judging part.. I like gossip too much)

I'm not perfect. I'm not Christian. Does that make me bad?

I saw this. I don't find it offensive. What would a complete outsider (like from outer space) describe religion

Christianity:
"The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because of a rib-woman who was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree."

How will people view you?

To change the world.

I somehow have been adopted by my Church's "Young Adult" group, even though I am old. (I can remember where I was when Challenger blew up.) I'm really comfortable with them.

It's a group that's oriented toward service... which isn't bad. The group leader love protests, and is an eco warrior. I'm all about going green, but a protest? Oh hell no! The first project he wants to do involves going door to door to ask people to sign a petition.

No way.

The social anxiety makes this almost impossible.

*sigh* At this point I want practical, and cheap ways to go green in my own home. When I get myself straight, maybe I'll change the world.

Pain...

I've been hurting for the past few days... and, like usual, I'm being a cheapskate about it.

A few days ago, my right ear started hurting, in the ear-achy sort of way. It's not debilitating, just annoying. But it's also worrisome, because I don't know the cause. Is it an ear infection? Could it be allergies? Could the TMJ be the cause? Could to be from that tooth (on that side), that the dentists said might need a root canal someday?

I was going to go to the doctor this morning, but decided against it. It wasn't hurting as much, but the mornings are when the pain's the least. I'm too cheap to pay for the doctor and have it be nothing.

Besides, between the shower gift and some groceries, I don't really have the money for a doctor, a dentist or a chiropractor.

Weight Watchers

After my windfall of a found savings bond, I bought 13 weeks of Weight Watchers meetings. I have learned a few things: (I love bulleted lists! So sue me!)

1. Wow, I'm fat. Like seriously! I was displeased with that number. I need to make sure it goes down.
2. I didn't realize that to properly do the program, you needed to like, buy a whole lotta stuff. I just blew it all buying the meetings! *sigh* I'll have to make due with what I have for now.
   
3. I love the concepts of eat smart and move more. I also like how they said to not deny yourself... just do over do it.
4. I'm a hole punching, put it in a binder person. All of these little booklets are annoying. I see much ripping and hole punching in my future. Why don't they have these materials in a standard refillable journal format? Oh, I know.. to get you to buy more. *eyeroll*

I have the pedometer on, and here I go.

A new week....

The weather turned on the area over the weekend. Saturday brought cloudy skies, rain, and eventually tornadoes. Sunday, and since then it's been sunny and warm. Finally spring. This means I should be taking my dog on longer walks.

The main thing I need to do is kick my own but and get some stuff done. I need to put away laundry, and put boxes in my closet. I HAVE to. I just need to find the motivation.

Tomorrow I start Weight Watchers. It's something that I know has to be done, but it terrifies me. I've always had issues with going out into a new situation (thank you social anxiety), but I'm terrified that I'll fail.

My Misty doesn't feel well this morning. She didn't want to eat her breakfast. I could hear her tummy growling. After going outside to eat some grass, she managed to eat, then chase the cat. I really wish I could be home, reading a book with her curled up on my lap.

And another thing....

(I know, I'm getting wordy today).

I was thinking about church today (as you can tell). The one thing that UUs know, it's committees! I'm sure even the Unitarian Jihad has it's committees. I was thinking... where DO I fit in the fellowship?

• There's a group for people looking for work. Thank all the powers that be, I don't need that.
• There's a group for Young Adults. Well, I'm well out of the Young Adult range... but they say it's ok....
• Most of the people my age have kids. I'm SO not a mom... so no Mommy group for me.
• 
• I'm not a belly dancer, a softball player, a lover of poetry, in fact... I'm not that intellectual, or even that deep a person.

I joined the chorUUs, it was the best fit.

But I'm still waiting for the UU "Nerd and Geek" group. Those are my people!

The big UU debate of the day.

There is a large debate about if the name of the Thomas Jefferson District (of the UUA) should remain so. I have looked at the facts, seen the arguments, and have talked with scholars that specialize in Colonial Virginia. These are my conclusions:

1. There is no debating that Thomas Jefferson was a great man who did many great things not only for this nation, but also for the cause of religious freedom. He authored the Declaration and the Virginia Statute of Religious Freedom. He also authored a bible, looking at Jesus as a man, not as a deity. He, like many wealthy land owners also owned slaves. He also had a rather dismal view of salves as a whole, but so did many, many others at that time. I also think that the life of leisure that being a slave owner afforded him helped to give him the time to follow his writing, statecraft and other pursuits. If he had to work that land by himself, I do not believe that he would have made many of the achievements that he did.
2. I believe that the root of the issue isn’t with Jefferson’s wrong doings. We can’t change it. It’s history. I think the crux of the debate falls to the individuals having it, and what they hold dear. Throughout history, advances have been made in science, politics, religious freedom, and many other fields. Some of these advances have come about through trials, experiments and actions that we today call unethical. Do we discount those advances? If you are against animal testing, can you let your life be saved by drugs, or therapies tested on animals? Some people can not get past the negative qualities. Others choose to look at the situation as a whole.
3. It’s just a name. Names are very transient things.
4. I work for an institution that used to own slaves. There has never been a thought about changing the name, disbanding the college, or denying the past. It happened. It’s over. People are trying to repair the damage. But it’s the past, and there is no changing it.
5. It was mentioned (perhaps in jest), that only the African American members be consulted on this issue. I’m not really liking that suggestion.

In the end, I chose to look at Jefferson as a whole, flawed man. I chose to weigh the negative against the positive. In the end it was just a name. Names are so fleeting that I don’t weight them heavily in a decision. The name wasn’t given in jest, it wasn’t given to be mean. It was given to honor one of the first people to try to codify religion freedom.

Why not honor that? Call the district the “Statue of Religious Freedom” District. That’s what we chose to honor.

Me, personally? I say leave it. It’s just a name. Take the energy and fight other injustices elsewhere. The name will change again, eventually.

Life is like Jenga...

It is, if you think about it. We're always taking stuff out and piling stuff on top. The trick is to pile the things carefully, or the block will fall.

Generally when blocks fall there are tears, and vodka is needed.

Lately I've felt the need to completely knock down my Jenga stack, and rebuild it. I left many of the activities that I used to engage in. I prefer to stay home (sometimes it's a struggle to leave the house, but that's another blog post). Slowly, I'm pulling blocks out and stacking them. It's taking time, but I'll be better for it when I'm done.

A new chapter begins this week.

I'm joining Weight Watchers when I get paid on Friday.

Now, we all need rewards. My rewards used to be food.

I think that my new reward should be money. $10 a pound lost. My ultimate goal... a vacation in Disney World!

Can I afford it? Yes. Weighing less will lower my blood pressure... which will save me money!

I CAN do this!

The Nanny State

I read and article about school lunches today, and it got me thinking. Parenting seems to be a hot button issue these days.

We have parents that let their kids bring junk to school, either by design, or by not watching them. These people are either wrapped up in their own lives, working multiple jobs, or any number of reasons.

We have parents that would rather have everyone else watch their children. These are the parents that want to rid the world of things that their little darlings may see, read, Google, eat or come across that may upset them. These are the parents that try to get adult television shows off the air because they can't tell their kids no, don't watch that.

There are helicopter parents that do so much for their children that they can't do anything for themselves. These parents instantly gratify their children, and keep them from making the mistakes that they help them learn. These parents can produce the kids that teachers hate. The ones that want us to tell them what to do, give them the answers because they don't know how to find it, or because they are too lazy.

But I know there are parents can let kids fail and succeed on their own. They can pack a lunch that isn't full of junk. They can teach their kids to be independent. Where are these people?

Depression....

I'm completely blaming this week by the re-emergence of the placebo pills in my pack... so the feelings will pass.

But I've been feeling off all week. I'm tired. So incredibly tired. I'm not overly hungry... I eat mainly to give my mouth something to do.... I'm on the verge of tears for no reason...

And now I have to help plan a baby shower.

Let me give you my background with babies. I don't want them. I feel uncomfortable around them. I know, I'm betraying my gender by saying this, but I'm not the mother type. I can't handle my own dog! (it's her that's in the profile pic).

I have 2 pregnant friends, one friend that is almost ready to pop and 2 friends with kids. They get together and talk about baby things and set up play dates.

It leaves me feeling cold and alone. For just being who I am.

Working on that balance thing again..

I said there are 4 things I need to keep in balance: home, finances, health and personal

Finances: I helped out the finances by shutting down my Avon store. I half-assed the job and never really got many clients. So last night I ordered what I needed to for me, and then will let my representativeness lapse.

Health: I went on a blog subscribing spree today (because apparently I need more things to read). Many of those are food blogs. I seriously need to comb multitude of cooking blogs I'm on for healthy recipes and actually TRY them! I'm always reluctant to try new things. Why? I'm cheap. I'm afraid that I won't like it and I'll be out money. I know, it's silly.

Home: LAUNDRY! I have this backlog of stuff that was in storage. I need to wash it, a load a day.

Personal: Clean out my car. Like seriously. it's awful! Embarrassing even.

Spring Cleaning Weekend Wrap-up

I'm nearly at a point where I can invite people over without embarrassment. The Spousal Equivalent and I have sorted, boxed, and tossed away a mountain of stuff. I know the work isn't done yet. I still have another room to go through. I'd like to get to a point there I can pack up and move in under a week's notice!

Now that the house is pretty much in order, I NEED to keep it that way. I have various FlyLady control journals on my work computer, and much of its content entered onto my Google Calender.

I had an unexpected windfall this weekend. I found a $25 savings bond that was bought as a birthday gift... for my 2nd birthday in 1976. The profits will buy me my Weight Watchers.

Now to form the balance. I need to work on the parts of my life equally: Finances, health, housekeeping, personal.

And for the weekend, 1 out of 4 isn't bad.

Spring Cleaning, Part 3

I made 2 realizations last night. 1.) There's much dust and mold being kicked up, triggering nasty allergies. 2.) Because of that, and because the task was bigger than I thought it was, I won't finish today. So I've revised my timeline.

• By the end of tonight I want my living room, dining room and kitchen to be clean enough to have company over.
• By the end of tonight I want ALL of the laundry sorted and ready to go. I'll try to do a load each day
• The computer room still needs work. I'm giving myself 2 weekends to put all of the clothes away, take care of the books and clean out the closet.

But all in all, it's doable. And it makes me feel good!

Spring Cleaning, Part 2

We've reached the part of the day where the house looks worse than when we started. But everything is unloaded from the car, and most things are unpacked and sorted through. I still have clothes to wash and put away, but the end is in sight.

Now, the moldy, musty, dusty stuff is causing me an asthma attack. I'm going to lie down, then shower.

The end is in sight!

Spring cleaning, part 1

Many of the boxes that littered my living room are now filled with garbage. The contents are neatly put away. Unfortunately there are some more in my car, and some boxes that the Spousal Equivalent has to look through.

Today I sorted through important papers, neatly placing them in folders. I found so many things of the Ex's while I worked. I have 4 or 5 folders worth of his stuff that I need to mail to him. The last pieces of my marriage, fitting into a pre-paid postal box.

There's a front coming through, my head is hurting. It's time to get dishes in the dishwasher, so I can get some laundry done. So much left to do.

Some hard truths

1.) I got gas this morning. $3.63. I know that up in New York it has got to be significantly more than that. This means that the likelihood of me going to my Marching Band Reunion is slimmer and slimmer.

2.) I haven't been to a Renaissance Faire in almost 5 years. Instead of going to NY, I think that we're going to save some pennies to hit MDRF for a day in the fall. Who is with me?

3.) Speaking of Faire-like objects... I think it's time to fully admit that the SCA and I didn't work. Like any organization, you get out of the SCA what you put into it. And I really had nothing to put into it. I don't really DO anything. I just feel so darn inferior to these people that are well researched and all! This is why I decided against the History MA! Plus, events are expensive, as is the gear. The Spousal Equiviliant was thinking of checking out rapier (or was it heavy... I can't remember). When he's ready... Besides, it's been so long since they've seen me... I doubt anyone remembers me.

4.) I have too much junk! I'm hoping to fix some of that this weekend. But gracious, why did I think that I needed to keep this stuff?

5.) Money is tight. So tight that it's going to take some serious budgeting to get both the Weight Watchers and the Chiropractic care.

6.) I'm getting significantly overweight. I'm hoping that Weight Watchers will help.

And now, to finish my coffee.

Spring Cleaning!

It's time. I've been doing this band-aid stuff for too long. It's time for me to CLEAN!

With the exception of a few larger items (a cooler and 2 chairs), everything is out of my friend's garage. I now have boxes of things sitting in my living room, and cluttering up my car. I can't LIVE like this. Since the weekend coming up is rather free from obligation, I'm taking a day off. Three days should get this done.

• Storage: I have years of teaching materials that I don't want to part with. I need to buy Bankers Boxes (hang n' store), which will have to wait. I also need to look through the boxes I AM storing and see what can be thrown out. I also have an ENORMOUS Rubbermaid container. I'm hoping the Christmas decorations, including the tree, will fit.
• Clothes and Laundry: it's got to get done and put away. End of story. I should also see what I can part with and donate it to Goodwill.
• Books: With a day off I can bring that box of book to Churchland Elementary, and get it out of the spare room. I also need to find the books lying around and shelve them. This might be a good time to clean the non-book things off of the shelves!

Heck of a list! I'll have a busy weekend ahead of me!

Putting things away

I used to be an avid role player. I met my friends (including my ex and the Spousal Equivalent) through various role playing games.

In the last six months or so, I haven't really wanted to play. I thought that it was burn out from the convention.

I think part of it is a shift in my focus.

I don't have a pretend to be someone else anymore. I am becoming the person that I want to be.

Will I roleplay again? Probably. I think I'll wait until I find a character and game that really speak to me.