Helicopter Parents

In my short career as a teacher, I ran into these parents. These were the students that handed in projects that were professionally done, printed and typeset. These were the students that always came in with an excuse. For everything. If an F went home, there was an IMMEDIATE call wanting to make it up, or do extra credit.

These were the students that, upon going to college, can't manage to do their own laundry, get themselves to class, and have NO idea why they are failing... and mommy... can you fix it?

I really beleive that the good intentions of these extremely hands on parents are part of the problem in this country. Some kids have this amazing entitlement complex. They don't want to work for anything, they expect you to hand it to them. Now we know why.

And I'm not saying that ALL parents do this!! I'm saying that it explains a lot!

Eat Pray Love

The movie came out on DVD last week. I've read the book. Today I was sneaky and found it online. It's playing in the background at work. I want to re-read the book, highlighter in hand to note the passages that resonate with me, that change me, that make me want to change. Watching the movie (Or listening to it) I want to highlight portions of it the same way.

I think I shall do that. Eat. Pray. Love.

Eat- While, I need to eat better, and smarter, with smaller.. I think I'll stop obsessing. The world won't end becuase I had a Hershey Bar.

Pray- If I stop, and think every once in a while, think before I speak, or act... things might work out better. Hell, if I stop and listen, I might get some guidance!

Love- I think I do this pretty well already. Though at times my heart is so open that it gets hurt easily.

Because it was just that good... last night's dream

I was going to a high school, which takes place on the Hogwarts Express. I'm wandering through the cars, looking for the showers. After crawling for what seemed like hours, I found the Catholic School shower (Where people were also painting shadow boxes). I'm finally showering, when Rachel Berry (from Glee) takes my freshly painted blue and purple shadow box, insisting that we need to hurry up! That we need to find new Glee members. I snag a uniform, that looked more like Dorthy's outfit from the Wizard of Oz and put it on (It stuck to my wet skin) and leave the shower room. I then go to the next room, where there were auditions for a Hong Kong action film.

Then Misty woke me up.

Now, apparently I need to shower.

It's been a weird few days.

Having weekdays off is always weird. You feel like you need to be somewhere.

Since I've played the last few days, today and tomorrow are work days. I somehow woke at 7am, and started on dishes. Today's list includes taking out the trash, doing some laundry, putting up the tree and picking up the living room. Unfortunately this requires a trip to the store (Laundry soap, replacement bulbs for the tree and new coffee creamer. Eewww, something off about the last stuff.)

We've been pussyfooting around the house waiting for maintenance to get here and re-grout the bathroom. If they aren't here today, need to inquire about it.

I also need to yell at UPS. My Avon order has been "in transit" n Newport News for three days. I have people that want that stuff!

Now, there's breakfast to be had, and some exercise to do. We're taking the dog to the park.

I'm Thankful For .....

• My friends. Seriously, I don't know what I did to deserve y'all, but thanks for being my friend!
• My BFF Amanda. I've been through a lot since last year, and she's been with me the entire time.
• My Spousal Equivalent. What else can I say... I traded up. WAY up.
• My dog. And everyone that puts up with her. She's a love bug... when she stops barking!
• My family, even if they are far away.
• My various communities. It's where I've picked up my friends, and gives me things to do
• Chocolate. It makes everything better
• Getting the free meals and such for your birthday. The offers have already started coming . I have no money, and won't get much in the way of birthday gifts... so it's perfect!

And if you will excuse me... I must get ready to set up the Christmas decorations!

Some mornings, you should just go back to bed

I had one.

My story starts yesterday afternoon, when the apartment maintenance people come to look at the moldy closet (called them about it twice). This is from the loose tiles in the shower (this has been reported three times), they say. Have you reported it before? I guess the apartment company got new maintenance people. They are actually REALLY on the ball with stuff now! They said they'd be by the next day to do a mold treatment in the bathroom (1 of 2), and to put the pets in a bedroom.

Cue this morning. While all the stuff in the shower organizer was hitting me in the head, the puppy was relieving herself on the pee-pee pad we keep in the living room. (Very good girl!).

I get the interview suit on, do the hair, take the dog out, lock everyone up in the computer room, and am off to get my shoes on when....

splash...

I step in the puddle of pee. Seriously, there was at least two bladder-fulls in there! I have a wet foot, and the bottom of my pants are wet. I hobble into the kitchen and try to clean myself up.

I get out the door... and to Williamsburg.. where I nearly run over an elderly couple who were taking their morning walk in the middle of the road.

Oh, and I left my phone at home.

*headdesk*

Uniformity

This morning I had School Pride playing on Hulu. I've noticed that in most of these schools that are renovated, the students wear uniforms.

I've worked at schools that have considered uniforms, and I've seen parents debate it. heck, we debated it in my house.

I've heard from people that uniforms are impractical, expensive and stifle individualism. I don't know what uniforms the people that call them impractical are looking at (Japanese school girl uniforms, maybe). Most school uniforms are khaki pants and a polo shirt with a logo. Can you wear these items outside of school? Yes. it's khaki pants! I know Walmart and Target both have unifiorm sections on their websites, and most kids that receive free lunches can get free uniforms.

As for stifling individuality, I don't know. There are ways to accessorize without breaking dress code. And besides, in the real working world you basically wear a uniform to work every day (business suit, business casual, a shirt with your name on it).

Uniforms, and taking pride in wearing the right thing, helps kids with the confidence to succeed. And besides, with a strict uniform dress code, teachers won't have to look at kids underwear anymore!

A Spoiler Free Harry Potter Post.

When I see a movie, I experience it it in a way that often annoys the people I'm seeing the movie with. I think I spent half the movie half in the Spousal Equivalent's lap. He has nail marks in his arm left after one of many suspenseful scenes.

The only things I'm going to say is: 1.) I need to read the book again. And 2.) Gracious! Enough with the hand held shaky cam. It made me nauseous!

I'm going to give myself an ulser

Today the money issues that we've been having came to a head. The Spousal Equivalent (SE) got the REALLY nasty "Pay us NOW" call. I then spent the next fifteen minutes sobbing. I've been crying off and on all day, so I blame hormones.

But money is the single biggest stress in my life. The SE is employed. I'm underemployed. We have issues making ends meet., like many Americans these days. I can't find a good job, despite dozens of interviews and thousands of applications. The feedback I keep getting is that I'm grossly over qualified (Actually, my BA overqualified me for many things). Cue the guilt if I take a day off of job searching.

I end up with $20 extra a week. Last week I got some food with a friend and spent just over $10. Cue the guilt when a few things cleared and I went into the negatives. Hell, I put $20 on my Starbucks card a month ago and I feel guilty about it still.

It's easy to tell me not to stress out about it. It's HARD not to. No wonder my blood pressure is so high.

I think one of my goals for the holiday is to de-stress. Or attempt to.

Loetards are evil!

I went to ballet last night. Unlike the last class I went to, this class didn't leave me unable to move. But parts of the class were really hard. Not physically. Mentally.

In a ballet class, one wears a leotard. Those leave NOTHING to the imagination. You're put in a room with wall to wall mirrors, and expected to watch yourself! Plus, the class is made up of all these skinny mothers... ugh!

There's so much more weight to move around, and I don't move it well. Plus, I'm just big. My arms are fat, there are fat rolls under the spandex. It's painful to watch myself in the mirror.

Maybe I should skip dinner for the next year... maybe that will help. Well... no... that won't help. The exercise of ballet class will help. Working out when I get home will help. And eating sensibly will help.

And maybe not wearing my glasses in class. I look thinner when blurry!

It's only 10am

And I've been at work for a few hours. With Thanksgiving next week, I need some extra hours. It's easier to take those extra hours in the morning, so I came in at 7.

Yesterday in Bullets

• My friend had a very hard day, so off to Friendly's we went. And I hate garbage. Trust me.. it was tasty, but BAD for me! I'm going to get on the WiiFit when I get home as penance.
  
• I have ballet class tonight. I hope it's not canceled. I'm anxious to get back to it, to find the dancer under this fat.
• A frontal system came through, preventing me from doing dishes. But I was bad... I found the strength to pull out the Christmas Stockings, and using puffy paint, put names on them. My stocking is pretty, and there's no place for a name. When I hit the Dollar Tree for a tree skirt (Misty pees on it every year), I'll get a new stocking.
• I play stuff on the computer (Hulu or YouTube) at work. Damn you Biggest Loser for making me all faklempt at work.
• I need to start using SparkPeople consistently to track my food and exercise. Bad me.. being a slacker!
  

Because I mention him: The Spousal Equivalent

Some people were rather shocked that I got into a relationship so quickly after my marriage ended. I didn't PLAN it! It happened. it felt right. And I have not a single regret.

Yes, he's a decade younger. That doesn't bother me much. We're living together, but that was more necessity than design. He's gainfully employed. He puts up with me when things weigh heavily on my brain. He also has a cat (which I'm allergic to) He loves my dog (which can be difficult, she's a brat). We've already meshed our lives together. It's wonderful.

Why is he a Spousal Equivalent? I'm recently divorced. He's still married to his ex wife (whom he left more than 3 years ago). After all of this I realized that marriage is more than the legal piece of paper. We don't need to get legally tangled. We don't need the church and the decorations (though at some point I'd love to have a "wedding" reception. My last one was a FUN party!)

Though a wedding registry would be MOST useful!!

Love you John!

Adventures in Apartment Living

In many apartments there are these odd Washer/dryer sets. The washer is on wheels, and connects to the kitchen sink. The dryer is on this rig... set above where the washer is stored. This means that when you do laundry, doing dishes just doesn't happen. I had to make dinner before I caught up on Last Week's laundry... so yeah... the kitchen was a little scary this morning. That means before I head out to my semi-monthly Tuesday date I must work on that!

I was thinking deep thoughts about what it would take to make me feel stable and comfortable... and the answer involves money... *sighs* I have the partner (with no intention of trading him in). I'd like a stable job, but if I could pay off my car, and find a home (bought and paid for) I'd be in bliss. Now we all know that this requires me winning the lottery. I need to play this week! I think that having a stable home that won't be pulled out from under me would make me happy. Unfortunately that requires the job I don't have... a Credit Score that requires said job to fix.. or winning the lottery (I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening.

The Holidays are fast approaching...

I make a valiant attempt to do the FlyLady approach to keeping my house in order (Well, a modified approach.. I take a room a day, instead of a room a week). There is a Holiday preparation guide on flylady.com that I'm going to use to get the apartment ready. My goal: to be able to take Thanksgiving weekend and the majority of my time off at Christmas off from major cleaning!

This week is going to be catching up. The apartment doesn't look that bad, so it's just getting it back. I need to catch up with the laundry, and finish putting away my clean clothes. I also need to scrub my bathroom.

I think the major thing that I need to do is to figure out all that I need to buy (Christmas present and food-wise). I don't make much per week, so I need to spread out my buying. I also need to hit sales and coupons and the like.

And my personal project, to re-organize my Christmas music, and snag the rest of the "Carols for the Cure" and "A Very Special Christmas" collections.

And now.. back to work!

Baby fever!

Looking at my close friends... an overwhelming majority of them have kids (kindergartners all the way through small babies) or are pregnant.

It's weird... the more I see children, hear about babies, hear about childbirth and pregnancy... the less I want to do it. The lowest point was having a panic attack at my friend's daughter's 1st birthday party. Too many kids running around.

I think that parenting is job, a hard job. I don't know if I have the qualifications to hold that job. I've seen parents that... well... aren't doing to well in that particular job, and I've seen parents that need a raise, becuase they are doing wonderfully in their job. I can't hold a job... I can't teach children.. hell, I can't train my dog!

Please don't judge me because the maternal gene skipped me. I just hope my family will stop asking me when I'm going to have kids!!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

December is rushing toward us at a breakneck pace! And I'm excited!!

I've always adored the Christmas season. I love the food, the candy, the decorations, the Christmas specials, getting together with friends and family... the whole thing. I also like that it's a holiday that is a month and a half long!

I'm not a religious woman. I'm spiritual, not religious. I believe, to quote Eddie Izzard "....I do think [Jesus Christ] did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy..." But I think the season is more than that. Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men.

So while other people are complaining about commercialism, I'm going to nibble on Christmas Cookies, sip egg nog, and watch the "Charlie Brown Christmas Special"

Being told you're a faliure scars you

After four years in education, being told (sometimes multiple times a day) that I'm a failure, has had a few interesting side effects.

I realized yesterday that I'm afraid to have another permanent job. I interviewed for a position yesterday. It was a demanding position, multiple job descriptions, lots of responsibility. On the way home, I almost panicked. I don't want this job. I can't handle all of that responsibility. I'll be a failure again!

I don't know how to overcome this... but I have to. I can't spend my life second guessing myself, afraid of failing.

Succeed and Fail

I decided to stop today and think about success verses failure.

For years as a teacher, I was constantly told that I was a failure. I failed to control my classroom. I failed to meet benchmark standards. I failed to be consistent. I failed to differentiate my lessons. I lived in fear of the new thing that I'd fail. I failed for four years, in three different schools. Finally, I failed to find another position, and I was no longer a teacher.

I then failed to keep an orderly house. I failed to find a new job. I failed at my marriage.

But where did I succeed?

I succeeded in getting divorced. I succeeded in putting on an amazing convention. I succeeded in finding, and holding onto a new relationship. I succeeded in getting my apartment to a place where I can maintain it. I have succeeded in having a cute puppy. I have succeeded in mostly maintaining my sanity in all of this.

I think it evens out.

Unemployment hurts more than your Credit Score

I added it up today. I have been looking for full time work for a year and eight months.

After six rejections in two weeks, and a hard look at the finances, I broke down and had a good cry. It weighs so heavily on me, this lack of security and stability. I can't pay my half of the rent. No where close. We're barely making it month to month, and it's mostly my fault.

I don't know how much longer I can live like this: sending out five to ten applications a day, going on the occasional interview then being rejected. The definition of success is being knocked down six times and getting up seven. I've been knocked down hundreds of times. Getting up is getting harder and harder.

For right now, I'm curled up, warm and loved. It's the only thing I can do.

Another one bites the dust

I went on a job interview on Tuesday morning, the last in a long line of interviews. The boss man there just called me to tell me that I didn't get the job. Well, at least he called.

I've been on 7 job interviews in the last two months. None of them have gone anywhere.

I've applied to thousands of jobs since February 2009. I've been on 20 some odd interviews.

All I've gotten is a few temp jobs. It's enough to get by.

Everyone keeps saying that the perfect job will come along. Yes, it will... but when? Everyone keeps saying that I need to have hope. That is the hardest thing to do. Each time I get knocked down, it gets harder to stand up.

I can't even cry. I'm at work.

The internet is slow at work today...

So it gives me time to think... which is a dangerous thing

So my thoughts, in bullet form

• I'm now feeling the impact of carrying around the extra weight on my carcass. My knees aren't happy with me, which made itself known at Ballet last night. I'm not giving up. The ballet will help me carry around less weight..
  
• I hate this part of fall. The trees are getting bare, and I know there will be no snow to cover the skeletal remains
• I'm feeling really detached my social groups right now. Like they don't want me around. I know.. it's mostly in my head.

Parental Responsbility

When I see them re-hashing the debate about violent video games. I don't understand the problem. They are rated. If you buy a rated "M" game, you know it's for mature people.

If parent's don't want their kids to have violent games... don't let them have it!! Seriously! We have to stop trying to put into law what parents sound do. As a parent if you don't want your child to be exposed to things on television, or online.. then monitor your children! Don't take away MY choice in what I read, watch, browse or play because you can't monitor your kids.

I do not know when this nation became so lazy that they expected the entire world to protect their kids from what they think is bad.... *sigh*