I'm home from work today, with a spectacular migraine. It's given me much time to think.
The other day, I was online window shopping for dishes. I got this urge to have a set of dishes that match. It's funny. I didn't care when I was married, but now I want things like that. I want a home that looks put together, and not cobbled together from thrift store finds.
When I was married, I desperately didn't want to be an adult. I did all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bill paying, grocery shopping. Everything. I didn't care that my dishes matched, or my towels matched. I wanted to not be responsible for everything. All of this, on top of a teaching job.
Now I'm here with the Spousal Equivalent. We share the responsibilities. I do most of the cooking, but he'll grocery shop. He helps me with the cleaning, laundry, bill paying. He also asks if I need help, the Ex just assumed it would all be taken care of.
I'm settled now, and ready to be adult. I have a job again. Now I am decluttering the apartment. I'm sorting through the detritus of my old life, seeing what is important and what I've moved on from.
I now want the matched dishes. I'm ready to be adult.
(Except for today. I'm home sick and want to be 5 and have someone make me dinner and bring me ice cream.)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
God bless the Nerds, for someday they will be your boss.
It was a lay sermon about religion and Science Fiction that made me decide to join the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of the Peninsula. I was amazed. Religion and Sci-Fi/Fantasy colliding? Sign me up.
Geeks and Nerds have been at odds with religion for ages. Besides the illogical nature, and lack of scientific evidence, religious people have condemned classic nerd and geek pursuits. Remember the uproar over Dungeons and Dragons? I always wondered what all the fuss was about. It was ABOUT killing evil things! (And in my opinion, most religions view God as a sort of GameMaster.) They condemn role playing in general. For a very long time, if it weren't for Role Playing I wouldn't have a social life.
And now, it's cold and rainy. I feel a Firefly marathon coming on.
May the Force be with you all.
Geeks and Nerds have been at odds with religion for ages. Besides the illogical nature, and lack of scientific evidence, religious people have condemned classic nerd and geek pursuits. Remember the uproar over Dungeons and Dragons? I always wondered what all the fuss was about. It was ABOUT killing evil things! (And in my opinion, most religions view God as a sort of GameMaster.) They condemn role playing in general. For a very long time, if it weren't for Role Playing I wouldn't have a social life.
And now, it's cold and rainy. I feel a Firefly marathon coming on.
May the Force be with you all.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Amazing Grace, or Sorry, it's a long one.
Amazing Grace, or Sorry, it's a long one.
When I was young, I went to church on Sunday mornings with my mother. My father was raised Catholic. He went to catholic school, and declared himself done when he graduated.
One cold morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. "Why do we have to go? Can't I just pray here?" I asked. "You have to go to church so God can hear you pray," my mother answered. "Then why do I pray before bed?" There was no answer to that.
Years later, I learned that I was born on the Catholic feast of the Immaculate Conception. But the conception that was immaculate wasn't Jesus's. It was Mary's. I looked and looked in the bible for where it said it. It's not written in the bible. It was something that we just all know to be true, I was informed. Well, up until that point I knew that the Easter Bunny and Santa were real... maybe that's not real either. And while we were at it, what does the Easter Bunny have to do with Jesus?
There wasn't an answer for that either.
I have been questioning religion for years, much to the frustration of my mother. The religion that I was being taught in church and Sunday School, the religion that I was teaching the young children in Sunday School, wasn't making sense. (I remember feeling like River Tam in that episode of Firefly, trying to fix the Bible).
High school hit, and with it the AIDS epidemic. I was politely informed that being Gay was being against God. I asked why, citing that as long as you weren't breaking a commandment, God shouldn't care. Frustrated Christians sent me to Leviticus to look up the passage. I'd ask them, why aren't you following all of these other rules? Why are you picking and choosing? I would rarely get an answer.
In college I began to study these matters of faith. I talked to people, took religious studies classes, and used the internet. I realized that the Bible, is both an anthology and a translation of a translation of a translation. I learned that Mary didn’t name him Jesus. His name was Yeshua. Jesus is the Greek translation.
The more I read, the less things made sense. How can anyone believe this? It’s illogical! Things are historically incorrect, and when pointed out, the historical facts are ignored! (Just try to tell some people that Jesus was born, and died, a Jew. He wanted reform!! And he was all about the whole not killing thing. Did the Crusaders just forget that?)
After this revelation, I began to study religion. I wanted to know why people believed what they believed. Religion, and the culture associated with it is fascinating!! My bother shared this interest. He and his college roommates went so far as to invite Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons in when they came calling. Reportedly, they can counter most bible verses, with other bible verses that contradict. Men after my own heart.
I married a man who was a devout atheist. Then I found the Unitarian Universalist church, which the Ex was rather upset about. They wanted you to question! They couldn’t give answers, or make sense of the inconsistencies, but they also didn’t mind me compiling my own theories of faith from all that I have learned. In fact, they encourage it.
And here is what I have learned: I believe in a Higher Power. I also believe that ALL religions believe in the same higher power. Same window, different drapes if you will. I believe that Jesus did exist. That he had a wonderful message (as Eddie Izzard says: “Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy…”). My main belief is that if you follow the Golden Rule (and most major religions on Earth have this rule) life will have a whole lot less conflict.
So now here I am. I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person (something the ex didn’t, no wonder we’re not together). I’ve found a place to belong.
When I was young, I went to church on Sunday mornings with my mother. My father was raised Catholic. He went to catholic school, and declared himself done when he graduated.
One cold morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. "Why do we have to go? Can't I just pray here?" I asked. "You have to go to church so God can hear you pray," my mother answered. "Then why do I pray before bed?" There was no answer to that.
Years later, I learned that I was born on the Catholic feast of the Immaculate Conception. But the conception that was immaculate wasn't Jesus's. It was Mary's. I looked and looked in the bible for where it said it. It's not written in the bible. It was something that we just all know to be true, I was informed. Well, up until that point I knew that the Easter Bunny and Santa were real... maybe that's not real either. And while we were at it, what does the Easter Bunny have to do with Jesus?
There wasn't an answer for that either.
I have been questioning religion for years, much to the frustration of my mother. The religion that I was being taught in church and Sunday School, the religion that I was teaching the young children in Sunday School, wasn't making sense. (I remember feeling like River Tam in that episode of Firefly, trying to fix the Bible).
High school hit, and with it the AIDS epidemic. I was politely informed that being Gay was being against God. I asked why, citing that as long as you weren't breaking a commandment, God shouldn't care. Frustrated Christians sent me to Leviticus to look up the passage. I'd ask them, why aren't you following all of these other rules? Why are you picking and choosing? I would rarely get an answer.
In college I began to study these matters of faith. I talked to people, took religious studies classes, and used the internet. I realized that the Bible, is both an anthology and a translation of a translation of a translation. I learned that Mary didn’t name him Jesus. His name was Yeshua. Jesus is the Greek translation.
The more I read, the less things made sense. How can anyone believe this? It’s illogical! Things are historically incorrect, and when pointed out, the historical facts are ignored! (Just try to tell some people that Jesus was born, and died, a Jew. He wanted reform!! And he was all about the whole not killing thing. Did the Crusaders just forget that?)
After this revelation, I began to study religion. I wanted to know why people believed what they believed. Religion, and the culture associated with it is fascinating!! My bother shared this interest. He and his college roommates went so far as to invite Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons in when they came calling. Reportedly, they can counter most bible verses, with other bible verses that contradict. Men after my own heart.
I married a man who was a devout atheist. Then I found the Unitarian Universalist church, which the Ex was rather upset about. They wanted you to question! They couldn’t give answers, or make sense of the inconsistencies, but they also didn’t mind me compiling my own theories of faith from all that I have learned. In fact, they encourage it.
And here is what I have learned: I believe in a Higher Power. I also believe that ALL religions believe in the same higher power. Same window, different drapes if you will. I believe that Jesus did exist. That he had a wonderful message (as Eddie Izzard says: “Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy…”). My main belief is that if you follow the Golden Rule (and most major religions on Earth have this rule) life will have a whole lot less conflict.
So now here I am. I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person (something the ex didn’t, no wonder we’re not together). I’ve found a place to belong.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Helpless
We all feel helpless about what's going on in Japan. We feel helpless about the uprisings in the Middle East.
I feel helpless about my friend.
She's bright, and smart, a talented performer.
And she's killing herself. Slowly. She's starving herself, throwing up all she eats. She's not even out of High School.
She has a goal weight. Unfortunately "winning" that game might kill her.
I wish she loved herself half as much as we all love her.
I feel helpless about my friend.
She's bright, and smart, a talented performer.
And she's killing herself. Slowly. She's starving herself, throwing up all she eats. She's not even out of High School.
She has a goal weight. Unfortunately "winning" that game might kill her.
I wish she loved herself half as much as we all love her.
My last nerve, or Special Snowflakes go home!
(I've been reading poetry, forgive the title)
I think that in many ways, people are like buckets. No, stick with me... this will make sense.
Positive experiences and interactions fill us up (no inserting dirty jokes here, minds out of the gutter!). Negative experiences empty our buckets.
PMS had sprung a serious hole in my bucket sometime around last Tuesday.
Now it's Monday, and my bucket has a patched bottom, and is half full.
How will you fill someone's bucket today?
I think that in many ways, people are like buckets. No, stick with me... this will make sense.
Positive experiences and interactions fill us up (no inserting dirty jokes here, minds out of the gutter!). Negative experiences empty our buckets.
PMS had sprung a serious hole in my bucket sometime around last Tuesday.
- By Thursday I was rather empty.
- Friday, as my Facebook can attest to, was rather trying. the Stupid... how it burns!
- Saturday, we went to a party, and had to leave early due to in ill-timed asthma attack.
- Sunday, I had to sing at church. Two services worth. Then we went to clean my junk out of my friend's garage. (remnants of my marriage, not easy stuff to deal with)
Now it's Monday, and my bucket has a patched bottom, and is half full.
How will you fill someone's bucket today?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Ups and downs
It's been a trying few days.
Yesterday, I treated myself to a pound of good, flavored coffee. Then beat myself up with guilt for spending the extra money. I had personal, inner drama because of church (It's a LONG story).
And today, it's the a parade of special snow flakes that can't read and follow directions.
THis weekend is shaping up to be just as hectic, which I'm not a fan of. I perfer at least one of the days in the weekend to be un-booked. It's not happening.
I need a bubble bath and a massage. And to not cause drama for myself.
Because I firmly beleive that 99% of my problems are all in my head.
Yesterday, I treated myself to a pound of good, flavored coffee. Then beat myself up with guilt for spending the extra money. I had personal, inner drama because of church (It's a LONG story).
And today, it's the a parade of special snow flakes that can't read and follow directions.
THis weekend is shaping up to be just as hectic, which I'm not a fan of. I perfer at least one of the days in the weekend to be un-booked. It's not happening.
I need a bubble bath and a massage. And to not cause drama for myself.
Because I firmly beleive that 99% of my problems are all in my head.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
GleeCap: Original Song
First, I squealed so loudly when Blaine kissed Kurt that the dog barked at me.
Second: Loser like me. LOVED it.
Third: Sue... writers, what are you thinking? I miss my old Sue!
Fourth: I really like Rachel in this episode. It showed her humanity. She wasn't the one dimensional bitch like she's portrayed most weeks.
And now to watch it again.
Second: Loser like me. LOVED it.
Third: Sue... writers, what are you thinking? I miss my old Sue!
Fourth: I really like Rachel in this episode. It showed her humanity. She wasn't the one dimensional bitch like she's portrayed most weeks.
And now to watch it again.
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