Hazy shade of winter

I have been in my new, current job for a week now. Things are slowly starting. You know how it is in the information age.. you have to wait to be granted access to various and sundry programs. My life has been very "hurry up and wait".

We're in a severe money crunch this month. You all know how it goes, it takes a while for the money to catch up with you.

It's intersecting, as I am allowed to do more of my duties, I'm given small projects to do. It's mindless.

But more and more I feel like I'm living a lie. I wait for my car to be repossessed, to be fired from my job and to be evicted from my apartment.

I know, it's silly. But I am waiting to see if this all is truly too good to be true.

All by myself....

Well, here at work. It's day two and because of appointments, tennis lessons and all, I'm here alone. But it's not like I can do any work. I need access to different places, programs and computers... which I'm not getting yet.

I sat through hours of talks about benefits and tax shelters and pre-aid medical things. It's all a lot to take in. Tonight's dilemma: which health plan, and if I should get the flexible medical thingy (it looks like a lot of hoops to jump through).

I've started cleaning out my new desk. The old occupant left so much junk behind! But I feel settled, and hopefully I'll fit in well here.

Actually, I received the best compliment today from the incoming department chair. She said they loved my enthuaisiam and my self-starter attitude. Wow... a lot to live up to.

Now, to self start in probably the one task I CAN do today.

One of those days

I spent my last day of work today, the new job starts tomorrow. I left at lunch. Then it went downhill:

• I forgot about traffic court on Friday, which means no funeral.
• Traffic court will be all sorts of un-fun. And it's all my fault
  
• I have to wait until first thing Saturday morning to get the car work done.
• It'll be over a hundred dollars to get my parking pass at work. And they don't even pay me for a month!!

I'm done. It's Disney movies for me tonight. They have happy endings.

TGIF!

Tuesday marks the beginning of the next phase of my life: the start of the new job. I also will put my old job on pause for a few weeks during the transition.

I think I need to get used to getting up early. When the old job phases back in, I'm looking at getting there between 6 and 6:30 in the morning. I thought that next week I'd try to get up and work out in the morning next week...

It'll help me get used to getting up early, and get my workout in!

Let's see how well it works.

I'm Over the Hill

I realized today that I'll be 37 this year. Close to 40.

What do I have to show for my life? I have student loans I can't pay... loans that financed an education that I'm not using. I spent seven years as a sub, and four years as a teacher. It took me eleven years to decide that I'm a crap teacher. I spent over a decade with a man, before realizing that no matter how much I tried, I wasn't happy and the marriage wouldn't work.

I feel like I wasted my 30's.

I'm now 36 and starting at the bottom. I'm starting a job as a secretary. I'm considering using the job benefits to get a new degree. I have a new relationship.

Starting over is hard. But I wonder if I'm too old. Though, there's no stopping now: the job is a go, and I'm not getting out of my relationship. (I love the Spousal Equivalent too much).

What is I fail? Can I start over again at 46?

When did I get so darn busy??

I looked at my calender for the rest of the month and was astonished at how busy I am in the next few weeks. I had a meeting yesterday, Wednesday is ballet, Thursday is ChorUUS, And I have meetings the next two weekends for a local Convention I'm helping with.

It's hard to be a supporting player after being the lead. In Con terms... after running a convention, it's really hard to step back and be one of the minions. This convention is rather expensive. Like prohibitively expensive, and I can't figure out why. I know that supplies have to be purchased, plus printing cost, staff shirts and paying the presenters.... but still... I'm DYING to find out if they secured a room block to get a sliding scale for the meeting rooms...

I know... that was the geekiest thing ever. I will try to stop!

In other news, I'm having HUGE guilt this week. My friend's funeral is next Friday... which happens to be the end of my first work week. I really can't ask for a half day off that early. Because of that I'm letting him, and my other friends down. There's so much guilt, hurt and anger about the whole situation (of soap opera proportions)... I can't even process it.

And while I'm on the subject of lunch...

I've blogged a lot about eating healthier. The one hard thing about eating healthier: it is expensive. One thing that I want to do once we make some extra money is to eat more locally. There are some local places that can help with that. Maybe I'll start with the farmer's market and go from there.

Anyone local want to check these places out with me?

There is the grow your own option... but since I have no yard, and a black thumb... I don't think that's an option for me.