Wow, I have neglected this thing..

My blog has been nothing but doom and gloom lately.

Things aren't all that bad. I am working. It's temporary, and almost full time, and doesn't pay overly much.

The boy is working, and is almost hired into a full time position. I'm jealous of his benefits. Very jealous.

I wonder what is wrong with me. Why can't I find work?

New Job!

Tomorrow, I start a new job. It's temporary, but work.

This sounds very familiar. I did this before, back in October. Jobs like this are a mixed blessing. Yes, it's money. But it's money for a finite amount of time.

I have two issues. 1.) Parking. It's EXPENSIVE.

2.) The dress of the office. It's "Conservative dress" This discounts half of my teacher wardrobe. I've VERY aware of how I dress, and am worried that my wardrobe won't fit. So at this point, I'm freaked out about what I should wear tomorrow.

Things to do today
~Figure out a wardrobe
~figure out what to buy for lunches
~figure out where the parking garage is.
~wash dishes. I need to in a BAD way.
~not have a panic attack

I'm tired....

I'm tired of hearing that I'm overqualified, under qualified, or that I don't really want said job.

I'm tired of being told no because I have no experience. I'm an experienced teacher. And that didn't work out. that's why I'm applying for your job, asshole!

I'm tired of being dicked around.. told to attend meeting, and have no one show up... schedule an interview only to have them call back and cancel.

I'm tired of seeing jobs that I interviewed for re-posted to the job websites.

I'm tired of this never-ending search for work... any work... It's emails and letters telling me no.

I can't take much more of this.

Insomnia

Tonight is one of those nights where sleep isn't going to come easily. It's been building up all day: the queasy stomach, the perpetually clenched jaw.

It's midnight, an hour after I took the ineffectual Execdrine PM. All along my jawline, I can feel the muscles, raw, tight, warm. It's a creature of my own making, sprung from the late night worries of the unemployed.

I can't shut my mind off tonight. There is no happy story I can run through my brain to keep the darkness locked away.

Tomorrow starts a weekend of fun. Fun I'm not sure that I deserve. I'm not making any money. I'm not being a useful member of society. I might not be a useful member of society again.

Another job down the drain

Wednesday I interviewed for the dream job, Center Manager with the USO. Living in Military Land (tm), I've been looking for work with a military support organization.

I'd be perfect for this position. We talked, she said that she'd call me Thursday. She said that not letting me know would be unprofessional.

No call. No email.

Yesterday morning I was gripped with the feeling of finality. Like if I don't get this job, I won't get any job. It's silly.

I wanted this job so badly. And at this point I'm assuming that she went with someone else.

Back to applying, after I have some ice cream.

I'm a disappointment

A friend contacted me today. The ex contacted her yesterday, talking about his new girlfriend. I love the fact that he's moved on. But something she said stuck with me. She was disappointed.

Disappointed that we didn't try. That he wouldn't change. I'm disappointed that I did change, that I gave up trying.

I am a little disappointed in myself for how it all went down. I should have tried to talk more. I shouldn't have just up an left. That was unfair of me.

I think, in the end I was staying because of money. Which is never a reason to stay.

Now, to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop letting memories of the past make me feel ill. I have interviews this week. Time to prepare.

Impressive Resume...

I get that when people call for interviews. You have a very impressive resume. Well, that's all well and good... but why don't you hire me? I understand that I'm only qualified to teach, but that isn't an option any more.

I know the position is *insert the appropriate information here*, But I need to work. Hire me, please!