I've hit a whole new bottom

I'm now the fattest I've ever been. I need to change. To do something.

I'm not fit to be seen in public at this weight.

I can't do anything right. I can't keep my house clean. I can't lose weight. I can't get a damn job.

Worthless.

It's Friday...

I'm back at work.. which feels odd... Yesterday felt like Friday.

I'm in allergy Hell today. Between musty, moldy carpets in the apartment... and cat dander... my eyes are all swollen and red.

We've been cleaningcleaningcleaning. The Spousal Equivalent's mom is visiting next week, so we need to get the apartment in order. In addition to that, we have to get all of our crap out of storage and find places for it. Most of my stuff is getting thrown away. After sitting in a garage for over a year... I don't need it.. so it goes. The SE's stuff is finding homes.

We're hosting game this weekend... which means that early tomorrow we're airing the place out, fabreezing it and vacuuming. I'm hoping that with a little bit of pain.. I might have itchy free eyes tomorrow!

So much to do... so little time to do it!!

God is on Facebook

maybe not God, but The Powers That Be are.

A week ago, I made a public plea to God (Or TPTB) to help me find a job. I've been looking (with little success) for a year and a half, and hope is quickly fading.

Well... it worked.

• Thursday I had an interview with CTR group (a staffing agency) that was recruiting a Receptionist/Admin Assistant for a company in Yorktown. I LOVE the salary ($35- $45K) and benefits package, and the woman I spoke to seemed to like me. Now I wait to hear back from the Comapy
• Friday I got a call from Don Richards Associates (Temp Agency) that is hiring a temp to perm Administrative Assistant position for somewhere in Newport News. The interview is Today.
• Tomorrow I'm going to Sylvan Learning Center to talk to someone about after school tutoring. I can only do that if I stay with the job I'm in now.
• Wednesday I have a second interview for a Secretarial Position ($20-$25K) at CNU. I was SHOCKED to get this call, after the disastrous phone interview I had, but they must like me.

I'm trying not to get to optimistic about this. If I get excited, and none of these jobs pan out, It'll lead to depression. I've done it before.

But I have hope.

Update...

I battle PMDD.. have since college. But lately the 3 days of crushing depression have spread out to a month. People say that I need to see a doctor.. but with no insurance and no money, it's hard.

I'm taking steps to get myself back to normal. I got back on birth control. It helped last time... hopefully it'll help again. I need to get some regular exercise (I'm hoping to work out this evening after I get the rent money together). I also need to get a bottle of St. John's Wort. (an herbal anti-depressant).

let's hope that it works.

Healthy Eating: day 2

Well, first, let's back up to dinner last night.

Exercise went out the window after driving around town all day picking up free bagles. I was tired and picked up a pile of frozen veggies and a rotisserie chicken on the way home. The Spousal Equivalent quickly reduced it to a LARGE pile of shredded meat, too big for one meal!

So dinner was: Chicken rice-a-roni (it was in the cupboard), a LARGE pile of veggies (peas, shredded carrots, petit green beans, broccoli and onions, and the shredded chicken. All in all there was just about as many veggies as there was the other stuff.

Three walks with the dog gave me SOME exercise. Today I'm breaking out my new Wii game!

Dinner tonight is comfort food: Perogies, smoked turkey sausage and sauteed green beans. I think Friday will be sauce making day....

Through I'm HUNGRY this morning... I'm wondering if I should have some sort of protien in the morning... I will ponder turkey sausage (or *gasp* fake breakfast meat!)

It's bad news time from the doctor

I has to lose me some weight and start eating better.

So today I will being to share my healthy recipes and the triumphs and pitfalls of exercise!

Go me!

This week's mission:

• Work out for at least 15 minutes every day.
  
• hit the store for some more vegetables
• make a HUGE pot of sauce to freeze.... and make some pasta primavera
• plan out the menu for the rest of the week!
  

Teaching

After watching most of the Oprah Winfrey show last night, I began to reflect on my own failed teaching career. I wondered if it was just a poor combination of schools, administration and grade levels. I wondered if I wasn't just built to be a teacher. Then I saw this video, and it all made sense.

I was the teacher that needed time to grow. I was doing a disservice to my students.

Onto the future. Could I teach again? Possibly. I've been let go from 3 districts, so what place would hire me? But I think I know what grade level I'd want. I have a better idea on how to structure the class, on classroom management, on assignments and note taking.

I wonder if I'll ever get an opportunity to correct my mistakes and do it right. I wonder if I should even risk it.