Nothing is normal anymore!

As we're entering week 32585 of quarantine, I'm rather over it!

I know.... privileged... I could be sick..  I could be dead.  I'm just stuck in the house.

I'm just struggling.  I'm struggling to form a new routine.  My weight is up.  I have a few new minorly concerning health issues... but doctors offices aren't open!  Grocery shopping is difficult.  My voice lessons are on hold.  I miss singing with the girls!

Lately I've been feeling on the verge of tears all the time.  Nothing in the world is right.  People are dying.  Protests are happening because people care more about themselves than others.

For fuck's sake, Disney is closed!  And that's the one that bothers me the most.

Why? 

Disney is my escape.  In times of stress, I know that Disney is there.  That I have a trip on the horizon to plan for.  Even if I'm far away from a Disney trip, usually Busch Gardens is there for me to escape for a few hours.  My outlets are gone.

I'm not special.  Everyone's outlets are closed.  Everyone's coping mechanisms are in uproar. 

I think I'm going to go take a walk.  See if I can get the pup to come with me.  It's not a solution, but maybe it'll help for now.

Deep Thoughts

blast from the past, huh?

I think we're all hitting peak cabin fever these days.  I know I am.  I've been desperate to do things that aren't at home.

Here's a list of things I've contemplated doing of late:

• Clean out my closets
• clean out the fridge
• learn a new language.
• going back to the SCA.  I even started researching garb!
• planned a trip to a Renaissance Faire
• start training to run a marathon
• Quickly switch to training for a 5K
• contemplating going back to organized religion

That last one though...

I toy with this from time to time.  

I love the idea of a community of faith.  But between my own anxiety, and the bad taste the the media driven Christianity has left in my mouth keep me from it.

Now, I know that I'm not going to be hitting a mega church any time soon.  That would be bad for everyone involved.

I've tried Unitarian Universalism.  I rather liked that church... but that building is fit to bursting.

My BFF goes to a United Church of Christ church.  This denomination is a step down from UU.  But will I be comfortable with the level of Jesus. Do I go out of left field and try Judiasm?  But that's like learning a new language.  I tried paganism, but at times finding your way into a group that's free of crazies and that you click with... it's easier to become a Mason!

Most likely I'll ponder this for months.  Then the restrictions will lift.  And I'll end up spending my Sunday mornings running.  You know, to train for the matrathon.

Or maybe I'll give up these thoughts of God and bake some bread.  

Emotions are weird (with memes I've shared on Facebook recently)

One constant of these weird pandemic times is emotions.

People are finding themselves we weird emotional responses to things.  Posts are running around on Facebook on how the emotional responses people are having are trauma based.

Me?  I feel like I’m on the edge of tears almost all the time!  I’m crying at every little thing.  (This is not far from normal, but it’s turned up to 11!)

What are we to do?  You just have to not get upset at yourself for having feelings!  We don't have our normal lives, and COVID-19 is out there like a Dementor looking for prey

Every day is different for me.  Some days I forget to drink anything...

Some days I want to do nothing but walk outside.  Other days I can't be motivated to workout at all!

I'm also falling into the working form home trap.  I'm checking email late into the night and doing work off the clock on the weekends.  While I'm efficient, it's not helping my mental state.  And I'm working for free!  other days I wait for emails for hours so I can proceed with things.  Other days I having issues getting off the couch TO work

Today I'm sitting on the Struggle Bus.  The dog is crying under the couch.  The cats are hiding. I'm trying not to cry.  But I have a to-do list.  And groceries to pick up during lunch.

But we'll get through this.  Eventually we'll slowly be able to get back to our old lives.  Sadly, we don't know WHEN that will be.

But if it's any solace, there's only 2 places on earth that have no cases of COVID-19:

Now I'm off to load the dishwasher.  It's not much, but it's something that I CAN do today.

I'm not fast

I'm doing the Social Distance challenge that's being put on by my local running store.  I have 4 weeks to run or walk a total of 26.2 miles.

This thing started on Saturday.  And there's quite a few people almost done.  Why?  because they go out in the morning and in 30 minutes run like 8 miles.

Me?

I'm not fast.  Not at all!!

In 30 minutes I can run just under 2 miles.

It'll take me the entire 4 weeks to do the 26.2. 

I log every walk and run.  I try to do a mile and a half in the morning and a mile at lunch.  I'm already up to 7.5 miles!

But not the 20 some odd miles that other people have already.

Nope, I'm not fast.  It's something that I'm going to work on more when the mornings are warmer and less nasty on my lungs.

I'm sure that none of the other people in this challenge came in last in a race! 

I'm not fast.  But I'll get it done!