Starting from the beginning

Way back when, I was in Weight Watchers.  It actually worked for me.  But I quit when I switched to some of the BeachBody methods (the containers).

I’m now the heaviest I’ve ever been.  My weight is affecting my health.  I don’t feel good health wise.  I also feel unattractive and awful.

So I went back to the beginning.  I got out My Fitness Pal.  It's the closest I can get to Weight Watchers tracking without paying for meetings. I’m scanning and tracking everything.  My BeachBody friends may not like it, but this is the most in control I’ve felt in ages.

I also started a new workout program.  It’s something that I’m enjoying, and the workouts are short enough for me to do them before work.  I’m also running.  I had to cancel my plans to run the Wine and Dine in 2021.  But thanks to something unfun, I decided to run it in 2022.  It’ll take me that long to train up a half marathon again.

Now, if I could manage to pack a better lunch for work so the temptation of the vending machine won’t be as great.....

Also, I need to get up the courage to weigh myself again!

Impostor Syndrome

I’ve always been an introvert.  So much, in fact, that if I have time off of work I’ll hold up at home and not leave for days.

Why not hang out with friends?  Why not go out?

Because (while I know it’s not true), most times I feel like my existence is a burden on my friends.  Heck, we’re having a wedding reception and I’m terrified that no one will show up.

Is this true?  I don’t rationally think so.  But the nagging in the back of my mind is rather loud at times.  Why would these people want to be around you?  You’re a looser.

A bit ago I started taking vocal lessons.  It was something I’d always wanted to do.  I was soon swept up into the fall concert.  Then they gave me two small solos.

Going to rehearsals has been tough.  I spend time freaking out that I don’t deserve the solos, no matter how small they are.  (Like seriously... it’s 2 lines of 2 different songs). I’m a crap singer that has been taking lessons for 2 months, that inner voice says.  Everyone will laugh at you, the voice whispers in my ear.  

What am I going to do about it?  Just keep plugging away.  Keep working with the vocal lessons.  Keep screwing my courage on and interacting with my friends.  Fake it till you make it.