Good lord, I'm tired

(Well, not THAT way...)

I feel like I've been scrambling for months now.  Some days I have it together.  Other days I burst into tears.

When this all started, I claimed that I wanted a week at Disney as soon as we hired someone.

Then I declared that I would settle for a week someplace sunny, with a pool.  Then I declared that a room with a hot tub would be good enough.

Last week I declared that a week on the couch with my puppy on my lap would be wonderful.

Now I just want someone to clean my house, because I can't manage the energy.  It is rather gross.









It won't be long now.  Next week is May.

May brings commencement.  After Commencement there are fiscal deadlines.  A few weeks of crazy before a respite.

And by the time the new fiscal year rolls around we'll have another employee in this office.



Today is Thursday.  Just one more day until the weekend.

Maybe this is the weekend when I'll clean my bathroom.

And I ran... I ran so far away....

This weekend was the Run the D.O.G. 5K.

It was the first hot, humid day of the spring.  (Last time I ran this it was almost 40 degrees)

And I ran a crappy race.  I wore clothes for weather that was 20 degrees cooler.  I started in a corral that was WAY too advanced for me.  I tried to keep up with the faster runners.

After I got home, I had a long shower and had time to think.

This time next year is the Disney Star Wars Dark Side Half Marathon.  I was actually considering running it.  But after that disaster our 5K, I don't know if I CAN.  What I DO know is that this is something I can work on.  I can set my alarm on Saturdays and get those long runs in.  I can step up the cardio that I do.

But what I need to sit down and really think about is:  Do I WANT to do another half marathon (another 2, actually.  I'll need to run a fall half if I'm doing the spring one). I swore after the Princess Half that I never wanted to run a half marathon again, and here I cam contemplating another long race.

In the end, I've got some time to make this decision.  But in the meantime, I'm going to train.  There's no harm in it.

Well. I'll train, when it stops raining around here!

Does anyone else have a race they are thinking about?  or a race they are pondering?

I had such high hopes for this weekend too! (We're about to get TMI up in here)

I had a healthy Easter dinner planned!
I had a run scheduled!

But no... My body had other plans.

And before people get squeamish and run away, let me say this:

Why the hell are you getting squeamish and running away?  This is a process that most women on the planet go through every month.  It's messy and painful and life. It's not something obscene.  But yet, it's a major reason that women in developing areas miss out on education.

So, Sunday found me beginning that lovely time that I call "Shark Week."

 

I was on a run at the time.  Needless to say:  the run became a walk.

Monday I did something I've never done before.  I called out sick because the pain was so bad.  I mean, I tried.  I did some yoga.  Five minutes in I was in child's pose trying not to vomit from the pain.

And I know what you're thinking.  It's just cramps.  We all get them and I should get over it.  Well, yes.  women often get cramps.  But mine were bad.  And why should my pain be less important because it's associated with my period?

It shouldn't.

But often times, women's pain is dismissed.

read here

and here

and here

and here

and here

(These were just the readily available articles....)

How many women here have had this?  People (men AND women) dismissing what you are feeling because "it's just your period" or (my favorite) "you're being hysterical?"  Most women have.  And this dismissal isn't just about abdominal pain either.  All sorts of pain are often ignored by medical professionals.  If you add being overweight to it, your chances of being taken seriously go down.

Thankfully, I'm feeling better today.  I have yet to ruin the pants that I am wearing.  I didn't run this morning, but that's OK.  Tomorrow is an arm day, and I can handle that.  I'll get back to my diet an exercise regimen (I need to look more carefully at what John Green did on his healthy mid-life crisis and do it too) tonight.

But seriously....

Ladies, if it hurts, fess up to it.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  You're in PAIN!

And everyone in general:  If she says the pain is so bad that she might vomit... please don't think it's trivial.  It's either super bad cramps, or something worse.  She's not just the Girl who Cried Pain.  Go educate yourself.

And then there's this asshat.  (I can't believe he's serious... but I wouldn't be surprised)

Now, if you will excuse me... I need some chocolate.

17 bags of trash later...

You know that box of random crap that you picked up somewhere along the way?  We've all had one form time to time...

Last weekend I discovered at least 6 of them!

Last weekend I walked upstairs into the storage room and noticed that our nice shelving was leaning precariously away from the wall.  The leaning tower of shelving!  So that day we emptied the shelves and started the great purge of 2017!

Some back story:  After I left my ex-husband I moved most of my belongings into my BFF's garage.  Over the course of that summer most of said possessions molded and most of it got thrown away.  After that, my attachment to things decreased sharply.

Over the last few years I've worked hard to find a place for everything, and put everything in its place.  I've gotten rod of most of the boxes of random crap that I had.

Sadly, my careful efforts didn't do anything to address the boxes and boxes of Legos that are all over the house, thanks to the Spousal Equivalent and his love of Mobile Frame Zero.

not an actual picture of our legos, we have WAY more!

While taking everything out of storage has been a gigantic pain in the ass, it's actually helped!  I've cleaned out a few closets.  I've reorganized much of my own things that I have in carefully labeled boxes.  And what seems like 17 bags of trash later... we have less boxes of Legos stuffed into every corner.

It's a slow moving process.  One that caused me to hurt my back.  But it's moving along.  And there's something therapeutic about it.  I know where my stuff is, and I can find it without too much bother!  I still have pockets of clothes here and there.  That's my next task.  But at least I know the shelving isn't going to collapse on me!

And tomorrow... we build a shed.

Light at the end of the tunnel

If you remember from last time, I've been under a bit of stress.

This week hasn't been as bad.  I mean, there were moments where I wish my coworker was here so I could ask her questions.  There will always be those moments.

But I have a plan.  On Mondays I work on everything that came in over the weekend, and take an inventory of all that needs to be done.  I group those tasks by category and assign a day to get those tasks done.  For instance, today is bill day.  This afternoon I'm going to focus on paying some bills.

There are those things that I can't seem to get to, and thankfully I'm getting help with that.

Things are looking up.  But there are still days when I feel like I'm drowning.

There are still days when I don't know how I'll get everything done.

There are still days when the house is an absolute disaster because I don't have the energy to clean.

There are days when the undone tasks, both work and home, feel like they are monsters lurking under the stairs, waiting to pounce.

But today isn't one of those days.  It's sunny and nice and I'm going to take a walk to the Colonial Area



And because it's a beautiful day, the best thing I've seen all week: